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They forgot my party....

then two years and three weeks later,

they do it...
and shamefully at that!

Now, what did these strange people do to me that was so horrible?  Lemme tell you about this day of retribution....

First, I hear that I have some friends who are coming for a week end visit.  Charlie and Celeste are dear friends and I always welcome them into my house....   I now question the wisdom in allowing this.  <grin>

Why do I question this?  Well, it wasn't just a chance visit from friends.  <sigh>  It was the epitome of harrasment, degradation, injury and INSULT!!!

Please, bear with me as I tell you this sad story of what happened for my 50th birthday.

I have a great sense of humor and at age 49, I was excitedly awaiting my sympathy party when I would turn 50.  I knew my children would make a big shindig and throw me a great party fitting of our wonderful Ozark way of life.  Bluegrass music, a jug from my stash of my best shine...   jokes and funnin'....   But it didn't happen...  I thought they were REALLY wanting to surprise me and have it for my 51st birthday....   and it didn't come...    so I figgered they were going to wait for my 60th and I put it out of my mind.  This year my birthday had come and gone on last month....   and I was going to stop getting older so I didn't have to think about this trivial stuff.

Yes, i was looking forward to a great Ozark style shindig...   ...but what did I get?  Oh, the shame of it all.....

First, Charlie and Celeste got here and we had a good time of joking and laughing.  Then my daughter calls and says that since we have company, she wanted to invite us all to her house for supper....   I was wanting some fresh Possum Belly, Owl Stew and Muskrat Pie.  So we all packed up in the car and drove on up the holler to Kristi's shanty.

We pulled in and I set my old wore out carcass down on their best chair. We talked a spell and then suddenly everyone gets to laughin and in they come from the kitchen singing happy Birthday.

She had a chocolate cake with this old man on it...  what did he look like?  Me at age 50.  This is the pic they used...  I wondered why she was wanting this.  She said it was for someone at work....   she LIED!!!!   <grin>

We ate steamers (sloppy hamburger meat) and hot dogs and then got into the cake and even some ice cream.  I thought this was thoughtful...   then it struck me.  Considering it was September 14th, it was three weeks past my birthday...  Why would they wait so long?

Then they start bringing presents...  Oh boy.  A new car?  Lots of money?  Gold, Silver?


Listen to what happened when as I opened my presents....   <grin>

First, I get three cards....

The first was from my grand-daughters, Sabrina (Peaches), Leona (Toots) and Sierrra (Smidgin).  They are terrific kids and they picked this card out themselves...

They got me this t-shirt that has a tribute to the 9-11 attack....    I love it.  It stands for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness....   That's what the USA stands for.

It is such a neat card....   and I know they will give me happiness for a long time.

Then I got two gifts from Robyn and her friend.  They were both identical except when you get it open.  Then you see the difference....   Click on the pics to see what was inside each box....    I could use a good Retirement Plan, but this one is rather cheap.

I've been said to be deaf as a doorknob, but it's actually selective hearing.  Really, If I want to hear it, I choose it and respond, but if I don't want to hear it....   maybe I just don't hear it...   yeah, that's it...  I don't hear it. I'm deaf as a rock.


Then the second card was from Kristi and her hubby, Davy.  In the other side of the inside Kristi wrote,

"Hey, Ye Ol' Rooster.

"I know your old and we love to admit it.
You're losing your hair and your going bald.
...But we still love you.

"You are a lot of fun and a lot of laughs.
I can see fallin' tryin' to catch a calf.
...But we still love you.

"I see your old coming out in wrinkles.
And how it takes you longer to go take a tinkle.
...But we still love you.

You've gotten us at times from sneakin' like a rat.
But that's okay because today we got you back.
...But we still love you.

Well, needless to say, I KNEW I was in trouble now.

Then she hands me a big plastic container filled with gifts wrapped in gold...   Well I guess I got the gold anyway.  LOL  Each gift was numbered and each had a tag attached to it with a verse....   I was to read the verse and then guess what was what I thought the gift was....   Well, here it goes...

Verse for Gift #1:
When you have a lot of pain it's a bad situation.
When using me, I can cause deep penetration.
What am I?

Verse for Gift #2:

With Eating and talking you may need a boost.
When wearing me, I'll never let loose.
What Am I?

Verse for Gift #3:

When parts of your body are hard as crust,
Having me around would be kind of a must.
What Am I?

Verse for Gift #4:

I can be used for warmth or cold.
But something like me?...   I'll never get old.
What Am I?

Verse for Gift #5:

When your stomach hurts and you are in pain.
This will make you feel better and it won't even sting.
What Am I?

Verse for Gift #6:

When you feel an urge and can't get it up
Using this product will get you out of the rut.
What Am I?

Verse for Gift #7:

When you feel you've started to take a leak.
Having a friend like me and there's no need to find a seat.
What Am I?


Then Celeste and Charlie gave me a card.

And the funny thing is that it's nearly true....   LOL    They also got me a great gift that will come in handy for a long time....   or as long as I last until I do my frog imitation and croak.

Celeste and Charlie got me this wonderful tool for using as I begin to age in abuot 40 years.  It's a cane for a ...   mature man of dignity.  At the top it's got a magnifying glass so I can read all the instructions on things.  The next is an extra set of false teef.  Then there's a bottle for all my meds...   It lists:  Geezer Anti-Gas Tabs, Old Fogey Fiber Pills, Wrinkle-Eraser Gels, Hot Flash Chill Pills, Elderly Energy Enhancer and Baldie's Nu-Hair Capsules.

Then below that is a horn to get those pesky children and cats out from under foot.  Press HERE to hear horn.

Below that is a card....   inside is written the following poem...  (I love poems)

You bearly walk.
Your knees Don't Bend.
Your only speed is slow.
Your back is arched.
Your shoulders droop.
This cane will help you go.

Your bones all ache.
Your hearing's gone.
To others it's hard to explain.
But if they tease about your age,
Just beat 'em with this cane.

Then of course the most important part is the warning sign....   which says,

"Over The Hill CROSSING"
Shucks, I didn't even know I could get to the TOP of that hill let alone go over it....

Then on the bottom tip of the cane, there's another horn....   to let people know that a crotchety old man is coming...   so look out so he doesn't fall on you.  Click HERE to hear what that warning horn sounds like.

So that's what the 50th birthday was like for me....    weird that it came when I was 52 years old.  LOL

What these kids don't realize is that they had their fun this year.  Next year they will have to get me the new car, siding on the house, gold and silver....   LOL